what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
