It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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