he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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