Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize