Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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