Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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