dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
