Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
