lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
