Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
