Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize