so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
