I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize