Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
