i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
