What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Randomize
