Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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