I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
