Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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