last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
