Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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