was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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