Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
