margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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