i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize