If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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