I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you traded sex for a burrito?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
