Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize