This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
