I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
