Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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