the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
