if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The air was thick with penises
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
