My first STD was from a foam party
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
