I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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