Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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