I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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