Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
