I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
