Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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