Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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