I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
