mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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