FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize