What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
