One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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