Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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