Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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