I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Farmville is her only friend.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
