Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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