I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
