I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
