Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
