she looked like the before picture.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
