just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
