fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
