So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
