Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
