Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
