Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
