So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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