I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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