peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
