I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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