nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
