Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
