you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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