If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
