Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
