enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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