He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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