dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
