I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
